Zoffix Znet

Before you read on, I'd like to say this post reflects solely my own opinion, as a person with a "disability," and maybe some disabled people will disagree with me, but I firmly believe the common tactic of "normal" people pretending not to notice someone's disability is outright stupid! Therefore, I'll use word "us" to speak for all the people with "disabilities" who share my point of view. Also, I think many "disabled" people are not necessarily dis-abled, but since that's a common term, I'll keep using it.

I was born with a birth defect that left my hands not functioning properly, which is alright from my point of view, since I never had "normal" hands so there was never anything I was missing really... The biggest annoyance with this "disability" is the way people (mostly friends and acquaintances) act about it.

Here's the problem with the traditional "don't stare" and "pretend everything's normal" approach so many people inculcate into their children. There's obviously something unusual about a person (me, for instance), and when you pretend everything is normal, it weirds us out. Why is it you do not ask us why our hands (or whatever) is weird like that?

What you think: "It's a polite thing to do."

What we think: "Damn, that person is totally freaked out by our disability... *awkward*"

I think pretending a disabled person doesn't have a disability is insensitive and stupid. If you're OK with out disability, comment on it. Ask what it's like. Seriously, it's not like we walk around hoping no one notices the obvious! It's when someone pretends to ignore the obvious is when things get weird.

Some say, "I'm so sorry that happened to you," but why do you say that? Do you tell a squirrel, "I'm so sorry you can never understand calculus"? Of course, I can't speak for someone who acquired a disability during their life, as I had mine all my life; but I think of a disability being a lot like being left-handed in a right-handed world. Sure, the scissors fit weirdly, and moving your hand while writing smudges what you wrote, but you do alright, don't you?

If everyone had the same "disability," the world would be created accordingly and no one would even notice that "disability" existed. It's not that we can't do things "normal" people can do; we just do our own things, and we do them differently. It's not something to be sad about.

When I had a medical for a college (to be a bioinformatics programmer) eleven years ago, the doctor was reluctant about passing me because she was concerned with my malfunctioning hands, and how I would type with them. Today, I have published three books (all that typing), draw awesome art, can play a few melodies on my keyboard piano, and worst of all, I work as a programmer fluent in 5 computer languages. Heh. Don't feel sorry for disabled people, feel sorry for morons who can't get anything out of their lives, disabled or not.

Having a disability is not the end of the world. Being dead is. Don't feel sorry for us. Don't ignore our disability. If you want to show us you're OK with us being different, ask us what happened, how we became that way, ask what it's like to be that way. Ask! Don't tell your kids not to stare! They are curious, of course they will stare! Instead of telling them not to stare, walk them over to the disabled person and make them ask what it's like to be that "disabled." It will broaden their mind, and let them know there are many people in this world with tremendous differences, and most of all, it will make them behave like decent, caring people instead of insensitive jerks who "do not stare" at the obvious.

• Zoffix Znet

  Fri Sep 21 17:11:22 2012

  Mousse, I can't speak for all the disabled people, I didn't really take a survey.
  
  Would be nice to get some comments in here from other people with disabilities, to find out what they think.

• Zoffix Znet

  Fri Sep 21 17:10:17 2012

  I really don't care about it so much to speak out any louder than this post does :) Written communication accounts only for 7% of our normal range of person-to-person communication, so it's easy to confuse how "furious" someone's writing actually is.
  
  Thanks for reading!

• N/A

  Fri Sep 21 12:55:50 2012

  I read your blog, and I appreciate your concerns. However, you should not be so furious about those who were taught not to "stare". Those who were taught to act this way, mind you, were taught by those individuals' parents or care givers. Now, we all know that today is a different era then those whom grew up with REAL manners, however, if you feel so strongly about acting out normally upon the presence of a disabled person, than maybe you should speak out a bit louder. Loud enough that maybe you might make those meaningless TV advertisements to change their messages which dictate us (~4 mil ppl) NOT TO STARE. But before proceeding with such plan, it is important to hear the same opinion from other voices as well, for not everyone might agree since disabilities have range "categories"? According to your description of people's reactions, it is just the nature of things.

• Mousse

  Fri Sep 21 12:38:25 2012

  Oh my gosh, wow!
  I never knew that disabled people didn't mind being asked about their disabilities..